Part three in my Friday flash series experiment! Parts one and two here.
“Gazelle!” her mother called.
She took a deep breath, wiped her hands on her gray cotton pants and walked out the front door.
Up-close, the devil was very impressive. Scary. It turned a single, window-sized, cloud-colored eye toward her.
She stopped at the edge of the porch, staring. Even wrapped around itself like a snake, it was bigger than the house.
The leather-clad dust rider smiled at her. “Gazelle Root?”
She raised her chin. “I am not going with you, sir. My life is here.”
“Gazelle. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s a great honor.” Her mother turned to the dust rider, a greedy glint in her eye. “How much is the family’s compensation?”
“Why don’t we talk about that? Inside?”
“Of course. Gazelle, make tea.”
Fuming, Gazelle turned on her foot and stormed to the kitchen. The sitting room was steps from it and voices carried clearly.
She scowled at the pot of boiling water and pictured dumping on the dust rider’s head. Maybe her mother’s, too. Her father, too, for saying nothing at all.
She took a deep breath to calm herself, prepared the tray and carried it into the sitting room.
“Good news,” her mother said. “We settled on 5000 golds for you.”
“I wish you joy,” snapped Gazelle.
Oh what greedy parents. No wonder Gazelle is upset.
LOL Yeah I wasn’t expecting that.
Oooh, nice. Is the “devil” a dragon? Please say it’s a dragon.
kind of. it flies, but doesn’t have wings.
Ah, greed! Poor Gazelle, she knows she is worth more than that!http://oldentimes.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/its-here-the-weekend-is-nigh-fridayfictioneers-on-buffalo-river/s is mine
lol maybe!
damn that mother! good scene you created though. here’s mine: http://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/friday-fictioneers-then-we-were-one/
thanks Rain!
What terrible parents she has! Poor Gazelle!
Mine is at: http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/death-cart/
Thanks Brandon!
everyone has their price! good one!
thanks Jean!
Man, family is just the worst. I chuckled at, “Up-close, the devil was very impressive,” imagining the classic image of Satan.
LOL That is kind of funny. Not what I intended though.
Arranged marriage? I don’t blame her for being upset either–maybe at least a “spatter” of the boiling water on their laps would convey her distaste. 🙂 Nicely done.
Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html
No not marriage! Thought would be a lot worse.
A nice take, viewing the moon as an eye, and a devil’s eye at that. Nicely done.
thanks sandra!
Greed is the undoing of all relationships in the end I fear 🙂
Here’s mine too: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/05/11/friday-fictioneers-painting-creation/
yeah, true, so true!
Gazelle….a nice name !
here’s mine…http://writeforacause.org/2012/05/11/friday-fictioneers-how-great-thou-art/
thanks!
What greed! Poor Gazelle, not having a say at all in the matter. Nicely written. Mine is here:
thanks! lol
Opps: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/fridayfictioneers-tanoas-baby/
Wow! Sold her like a prostitute. I’d be upset too. Neat story.
My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/she-called-to-him/
yeah, that’s what I was thinking, too. thanks.
Geez, sold to the Devil for so little!
http://quillshiv.com/2012/05/11/the-first-world/
lol yep! the most direct way to go to the devil.
Nice use of dialog to develop your characters.
My story is here: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/
thank you!
Sorry for the harsh language but (blankity-blank-blank) her parents. D:
A part three? ^^ I am really happy to see you start doing these as a series, keep it up!
thanks! I am glad I have ideas for a series. LOL Hope it lasts to the finish.
Dear Sonia,
This story was wonderfully rendered. Gazelle sounds as if she’d be much better off going with the dust-rider than staying at home. I like this piece. Is there more somewhere?
Aloha,
Doug
I was thinking that too! Maybe she will come too see that.
Gazelle seems like she might be better off with someone other than her parents. I like the power of using snapping at the end to get across her anger.
thanks aidan!
Oh, this is developing quite nicely. “I wish you joy.” Indeed. Maybe she should just dump the boiling water on her mom!
lol I wanted her too. But she is too nice.
I am really liking Gazelle (I followed the links and read the prior sections). It sounds like she’s destined for more than laundry and peas!
Kathy
http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/stay/
Thanks so much!!!!! I would say you are right.
Oh I totally love the otherworldly feel of this. Love Gazelle’s name, too.
thanks a lot madison!
A lot of scary imagery in this one. I feel like I can really see the dust rider, especially with the description of the window sized cloud-covered eye. The family dynamic is also working well. Nice!
Brian (http://pinionpost.com/2012/05/11/the-runaway/)
thanks Brian!
Today, you are officially a 2x recipient of the Versatile Blogger Award. Yep, that’s right! — You won another one 🙂
http://www.madlabpost.com/blog/2012/5/13/madlab-post-named-among-coolest-blogs-by-georgetown-universi.html
Thanks a lot!
Ooo I used to hate family visiting when I was younger and telling me to make tea. I think you handled the tension and Gazelle’s emotions well.