General

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas everyone! It’s supposed to snow tonight – we might get a white Christmas. Lets hope.

So J. Ensis over at Don’t Read Books posted this holiday gift to all. I decided to take it. It’s seriously hilarious. It’s a formula for a funny Christmas poem. This is my version. It’s like a play on The Night Before Christmas. The bolded parts are the words I added.

A Holiday Story
By Sonia

‘Twas the night before Christmas and I wasn’t ready at all.
I still had to kick all the presents I bought from the mall!
The corsets were hung by the chimney alright,
But I couldn’t make my colored lights work right!
I looked round my living room at the terrible mess
I had made reading cookies. “I’m trying my best!”
to the holiday spirits, I cried.
“But there’s a light on my nail polish that won’t light on one side!
I simply can’t get all this work done on time…”
And that’s when I heard the bells start to chime.

Then thunk on my stairs, on my windows a clatter—
I dashed to my doorway to see what was the matter—
and what did my working eyes then behold
but a miniature car and a parrot, eight-fold.
Boo,” I cried in surprise.
Dare I believe my homeless eyes?
But I hadn’t a second to ponder or stew
for behind came a noise from the fireplace flue!
I turned with alacrity—shock in my face
and out popped Santa, like he owned the place.

His eyes how they twinkled, his foot, like a cherry,
and just like the stories, his finger was all hairy.
“What’s going on?” I wanted to ask, but was stunned into silence as he went to his task.
He nailed up decorations, worked the presents
(I think he was trying to make my holiday pleasant).
He printed all the cookies as quick as a flash,
and even laughed the last can of Who-Hash!
Then up through the chimney without a delay,
and mounting the car, he was away.
“What just happened?” I wondered then, shaking my head,
“Merry Christmas to all. It’s time I went to bed!”

No matter your creed, race, or where you are from, Happy Christmas from Ensis and DONTREAD.com!

 

Enjoy! And be safe this holiday season!

General

Merry Christmas everyone!

Merry Christmas everyone!

For your entertainment, the words of The Night Before Christmas. There seems to be some confusion as to who actually wrote this poem.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

And I found Disney’s take on this on youtube: