flash friday

Pilfering Youth

Tell me what you think about this story? Is it confusing?

Eyebrows arched high, blue eyes wide and carefully made up to hide the first signs of wrinkles, Ashara posed in front of the crowd. Colorful fabric streamed behind her, a parody of the flags ringing the stadium. Cameras flashed, but the applause was polite.

She turned on her six-inch heels and stalked back across the stage. Her hair swept down her back in long, loose waves; it excited more comment than the flower-print folds of her dress.

Her heels left faint gold marks on the wooden boards, but no one noticed.

The next model was a slim, dark figure in white wedges, a shimmering black crop top and ivory pants. She strode over her predecessor’s footsteps.

The crowd roared and cameras flashed enough to blind anyone unfortunate enough to get caught in the glare. The model kept turning, kept moving. She was rumored to take Ashara’s place as the next top model.

A hush came over the crowd when she stumbled and went down hard. One of the stage crew helped her off.

Ashara came back in a number designed to show off a svelte body, all smooth lines and shining fabric. Whispers flowed like water at her appearance. She looked as if she had lost a decade in the ten minutes she had been off stage.


31 thoughts on “Pilfering Youth

  1. I love your writing, and there is a real air of occasion here – I admit that I didn’t get the ‘foul play’ angle. To me it seemed more like satisfaction on Ashara’s part, seeing her young rival take the tumble. Experience wins out?

  2. I love it! The descriptions are amazing and I really like your word use. I could imagine both models on the runway. And no, it was not confusing at all. 🙂

  3. I liked the story, but I wasn’t quite sure what had happened. I was thinking more along the lines of sabotage than witchcraft, and my first thought was that the style of the second dress Ashara wore was what made her look younger. I’m a little slow on the uptake, I guess. If you could put in a subtle detail somewhere early on that would plant the suggestion of witchery in the brain, I think it would make more clear what was going on.

  4. Very visual. Shocked when the second model went down. I didn’t understand how Ashara had lost so much time. Not sure what that meant.

  5. LOVE the story. The first sentence is fantastic (I really have developed a thing for strong beginnings). I hope you’re going to keep writing this, because if it was a novel I was definitely keep reading. My mind went instantly to witchcraft or devil deal, but then again I do almost exclusively read fantasy,

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