fantasy · flash friday · Short Story · Writing

Friday Flash: White Devil

I was trying for something holiday like, but feeling a little macabre today instead. 😉 Enjoy!

A storm raged overhead the day she gave birth. Their cave was warm, but the wind whistled and sent in little white devils to scout.

It was a bad omen, the tribe whispered. The big devil would possess the baby with its first cry. Best to kill the baby before it killed them.

The mother heard and prayed for a mute baby.

The chief, the father, heard too. He built a den among the white devils. If the big devil wanted the baby, it could have the baby.

The mother gave birth in the cold, but the baby never cried.

10 thoughts on “Friday Flash: White Devil

  1. That was…weird… I have to be honest and say I didn’t like it. I think I would like it if there was more afterwards, but by itself it doesn’t go anywhere (well, to me)…

  2. There’s nothing wrong with not writing into a holiday. Shows some independence. I really liked that the mother responds to the situation by hoping for a mute baby. However I’ll agree with Guard that I don’t feel like the drabble delivers a punch ending – it might be one of those plot ideas that needs more words to be able to build up the importance of its ending. Or I may be a jerk. I am open to these possibilities.

  3. It’s a hash world you sketched in those few words. An interesting piece that I certainly feel could be developed into something much longer. Nice work!

  4. I find the ending has a touch of hope with the baby not crying out. The world to me has depth and it would be lovely to see the characters fleshed out.

  5. I can see what people mean that maybe this needed a bit more – a few more words, taking it from drabble to flash, would probably have sorted that out. There’s a good tension set up between what the tribe, the father, and the mother want, and it would have been good to see if the baby didn’t cry because it was still born, or because the mother’s prayer was answered.

Say something and make my day!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s