flash friday · General · word count · Writing

Friday Flash: A Girl and her Horse(s)

This is the image prompt (by zemotion on deviantart) I used for today’s Friday flash. It is a 100 words. Last Friday, someone called this a drabble and before that, I wasn’t aware it had another name. 😮

I had a lot of trouble with this. Rewrote it three times so it makes sense and is 100 words. Not sure I succeeded with the make sense part.

I slowed Sheena’s headlong rush, coming to my senses at last. She couldn’t run like this, not on a night this blustery. The wind was icy enough to cool even my anger. I bit my lip.
I’d said so many hurtful things. “I hate you.” “You cost me my dreams.”

It wasn’t true. Even if we had arrived on time, nothing would’ve changed. It wasn’t mom’s fault. Wasn’t anyone’s fault that my Penny didn’t make the jump and I barely got off before she broke a leg.

I rubbed my eyes. I needed to go back and make things right.

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20 thoughts on “Friday Flash: A Girl and her Horse(s)

  1. Drabbles are hard. Trying to tell a full story–beginning, middle and end–in only a hundred words can truly tax the artist, but you pulled it off. I like how the character comes to a life changing moment, one that almost took that life away from her before she could make things right. A nice arc indeed.

  2. I think you pulled off this Drabble excellently! It conveys the struggle of coming to terms with their responsibility.

    I liked it very much. I haven’t attempted a Drabble yet. My smallest flash has been 300 words. So I take my hat off to you! Well done.

  3. That someone can say so much in such a few words is a credit to their skill, there is so much going on here, the angry casting about to blame someone else, the acceptance of the truth of it, and the regret and need to repair the hurt caused. Very well done.

  4. Shorter is not always easier. I would never limit myself to 100 words, because most stories require more than that to get the point across. For expediency’s sake and practice, sure. While it is impressive to contain as much story as you did into 100 pages, I want more from it. In this example, I felt rather underwhelmed by the gravity of the situation.

    I have no idea who Sheena is. Penny, I am guessing, is the horse that broke a leg and had to die, but I am left with more questions than answers from the story as a whole. Why was Penny (presumably the horse) running so fast? Who is Sheena and what part does (presumably) she play? Where did this story take place, in a wood? It has been identified as cold, but the image in my mind is lacking. Why was the narrator saying hurtful things? Even with the last line, I do not know what wrongs need to be righted.

    Feel free to take or leave my criticisms for what they are worth, but there is more story here to be mined by what I can see is a creative mind. Feel free to cast aside a limitation if it makes a better story. Your readers will appreciate it. And lastly, I thank you for the comment on my story. 🙂

  5. Thanks for commenting! Practice is why i am limiting myself to a 100 words. I am usually pretty verbose and forcing myself to write 100 words every week is my way of dealing with it. I figure I will learn tricks on how write better.

    But, yeah, if I ever feel inspired, I think I could probably turn this into a reasonable short story. Of course the horse might than sprout wings . . . . (I’ve ever written fantasy short stories!)

  6. I think this worked wonderfully with the photo. Nice transition from the fevered opening to the final line. Difficult to accomplish such a “shift” in tone in a long piece – even harder to do in less than 100 but you pulled it off!

  7. Great drabble! This is something I want to try, but haven’t yet. This one in particular is very tight; you’ve packed alot of story and a breadth of emotion in a tight space. Good stuff!

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