I decided to write a part two to last week’s flash: Dust Devil. I have never actually posted a part two before for any flash. This is a first for me.
She twitched away the curtain’s edge and peeked outside. The dust devil, a long, sensuous gray line, circled their farm, its tail trailing behind like a big fluffy feather.
The children crowded around her to look, whispering, giggling. She didn’t bother to shush them.
Her parents stood on the front lawn, calm, waiting. The dust devil circled and circled, coiling itself like a snake in a basket. It came down head first, than extended long, thin legs and it was on the ground.
The dust devil’s rider dismounted with a thump. A man, with tall boots and leather pants and riding jacket. Silky straight hair brushed his shoulders.
“The oracle tells a potential rider lives here,” he announced. “A girl, called -” He consulted a scrap of a paper pulled from a jacket pocket. “-Gazelle Root.”
No! She couldn’t be a dust rider.
Her younger sister touches her, hands dirty from playing in the mud, staring at her with shock.
She would just have to refuse. She wasn’t going to leave the farm, her parents, everyone, and they couldn’t make her go.
Related articles
- Friday Flash: Dust Devil (storytreasury.wordpress.com)
Ah interesting, this story has turned form a slice of life reality into a fantasy, I like it!
thanks Helen! Though I always intended it to be fantasy
This grabbed my attention. Well done
Thanks a lot Shelley!
Ah well the first part felt like a reality, but when you put them together you’ve got a fantasy. ^_^
a lot of people thought it was a disaster, too. That’s part of why I wrote this. I hadn’t actually intended to write a part two.
Awesome! ^^ And I’m so happy to see you make a part 2. Please do this more. ^^
I will think about that!
This feel like a longer story. Is there more coming?
A bit of am ominous tone, but the notion of a dust rider is so cute!
thanks John!
Oh, I think I’d love to be a dust devil rider! Sounds awesome.
Go on, write some more.
thanks, icy, I quite like the idea too.
Last week I thought the dust devil was a sort of dust storm. Well, this is a total surprise and a great twist. I am hooked. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/fridayfictioneers-lost-without-you/
lol thanks, happy to surprise you!
Glad you wrote more =) The dust devil sounds cool, at first I imagined a sort of elemental made out of dust and roiling air. Not sure how you’d ride one though…
you know, I am not entirely sure either. lol
So…now we know. Last wk. I thought the dust devil was just that a dust storm blowing in from the Dust Bowl …Now it’s a HE…Devil. I would be afraid to go as well, but who knows what adventures await her if she joins him. Gazelle Root…what a name! Looking forward to the next chapter. Here’s mine:
http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
thanks! yeah it’s a real devil.
Sometimes a story just gathers momentum, and pulls the writer along with it, I think this may be one of those stories. The question is still hanging in the air… does she go… or not?
I think your muse may just draw you into writing more of this.
Yeah, it does and this is. I think there will be a third.
I love the direction you’ve taken this, and the opening of the destined one. Her character’s coming through strong.
thanks aidan!
Nice twist [pardon the pun] on the term “Dust Devil” making it more interesting and intriguing.
lol thanks tim!
Paired with last week’s installment, this is one of my favorites — both of yours and of this week’s #FridayFlash in general. This could easily become a short story or a novella… or an entire novel if you get ambitious. And I love the name Gazelle Root!
a short story, maybe. can’t imagine a novella right now.
The twist from last week was good. I agree with others above, you should extend the idea into something longer!
I probably will, thanks!
Lovely shift in style here Sonia.. I agree with the others.. you have the makings of a longer story.. It would be interesting to continue this juxtaposition of slice of life and fantasy. Luscious writing as always.
That’s one way to the harness the weather
Hi there Sonya — just catching up. Love the name ‘Gazelle Root’, a nice counterpoint to the fantastical events. Great idea of a dust devil with rider, and a well-formed chunk of story. Swift farm feel and humble beginnings all work well. St.
Thanks Stephen!!!